donderdag 25 augustus 2016

So alone and so happy in Greece!


Hello from Greece! Kalimera!


A few days ago I arrived in Pythagorion on the Island Samos in Greece. I am here on my own. Many people thought that was 'courageous' or 'lonely'. Yes, it has been lonely sometimes, but I really love the privacy I have here and the freedom to do what I like whenever I feel like it. There are a lot of families and couples on holidays here. I observe them with interest and they observe me, pitying me or wondering why I am out dining alone. Sometimes they seem to admire me. Men look at me, probably wondering why a women is on her own or thinking I'm 'courageous'. I could be wrong, but they seem to admire me. They aren't judging me or looking down on me. They don't see me as a frightened little girl, but as an independent woman. I really like being on my own here. It feels very empowering.

The funny thing is.. I don't even feel that much on my own. There are so many people here enjoying Pythagorion that it feels like I'm always with people when I'm outside. When I go outside, I have breakfast and chat with the hotel staff. When I go to the beach, I take a chair next to someone else on his/her own and we maybe have a short conversation. When I go out for dinner I sit alone, but I'm surrounded by people and their conversations. I hear laughter, but also quarrels. I see people pretending to be someone else or fully in character with their spouses or friends or families.

And me? I don't have to be someone else. I don't have to pretend. I can just be ME, because I am on my own. This feels so great. I actually experience much less stress than at home. I feel relaxed and healthy here. My insecurities and anxieties are almost gone here. I have to do everything myself and I actually like doing everything myself. I chat with people on the streets, in the shops, on the beach, in the restaurant and in the hotel. I have to chat with people to get anything done. I cannot rely on anyone but myself, and that feels really good! It feels great to experience that I can do things on my own and it feels great to have so much time for myself.

What is great about Pythagorion? The great weather, all day all night. The relaxed atmosphere. The bars at night by the harbour. The beauty of the town, the mountains surrounding it, the harbour and the sea. The delicious Greek food for low prices. The people, who are very kind and friendly and who love to party themselves. The shops, with great buys for little money. The bars at the harbour, so 'gezellig' in the evening. The bars have music and give you a real 'holiday' party feeling. The boats, inviting you for a cruise around the Island with a nice Greek dinner. And cats, cats, cats! There are so many cats here! They are wild cats. Dangerous and skinny and often missing an ear or bruised. They aren't tame, sweet kitties. You can feed them, but you need to watch out, because I've been scratched a lot by cats demanding food and jumping on top of me to get it. These are wild animals. I've been coming here since I was a child and it has never disappointed me.

What did I do here? Tuesday morning I arrived. My hotel has the best location as it is situated at the harbour, so I can walk out of the hotel and be where I want to be. The staff is also very friendly. I was still feeling a little sick and was very tired so I slept during the afternoon. In the evening I unpacked my suitcase and I had a shower. After that I went to restaurant Elia at the harbour, where I learned that I will never order a tagliatelle with mushrooms in a non-Italian restaurant again. After that I went back to my hotel and had a lovely banana split in their bar.

The next day I had breakfast at my hotel and took a stroll along the harbour. I checked out a modern museum at the harbour, which had an exposition on the refugee crisis in Samos. It was heartbreaking to see the pictures and hear the stories of people drowning or losing their families before reaching the Island, fearing ISIS but getting refused in Europe because of the fear of ISIS. Later I walked all the way up to a church, but was unsure whether I could come in, because Greek people want you to be covered up when you enter a church. I walked further and further, until I reached the beach. There I had lunch and sunbathed and had a swim. In the evening I wanted to have lunch at restaurant Aphrodite, but by mistake I sat down at taverna Maritsa. It turned out to be a good mistake, because the food was delicious and the people were friendly. I even fed a cat some steak. Late in the evening I visited some shops and bought myself a necklace.

Today it's Thursday. I'm planning on visiting the Archeological museum and planning some tours, so I can meet people. Maybe I'll visit the castle and the church today as well. I'm going to the beach to read and swim and in the evening I'll finally go to restaurant Aphrodite and I'll visit some more shops. I don't feel alone at all and it's actually great to walk around with no wifi. I can just enjoy myself here without worrying.

I was rather nervous about going to Pythagorion alone, but I realised here that you are alone for most of your life and that I am my own best friend.

woensdag 17 augustus 2016

Surviving Adulthood: Roaring Twenties & Dancing Shoes


It takes a lot of courage for me to write this post but I'm doing it anyway. This article: https://hbr.org/2016/03/why-your-late-twenties-is-the-worst-time-of-your-life   pretty much sums up my feelings during my mid-twenties.

I'll begin with my teenage years. During my late teenage years I was rather carefree. I had tons of energy and I didn't have a lot of trouble with school. It was rather easy for me to get good grades. I lived in the safety of my parents'  home, so I didn't need a lot of money for food or other things like transportation costs. I had a bike, so I could cycle to wherever I wanted to go. Life was simple. School was 5 days a week. Ballroom dancing lessons were once a week. I went out once or twice a week. I saw my friends during and after school. If I had time, I would go dancing or take acting lessons or write. I had no relationship and a part-time job for a maximum of 12 hours a week. I didn't have to worry about my career or my life goals or serious relationships or relationship issues. I was very young and I only had to focus on school and friends and parties, while dreaming about all the great things I would do once I would become an adult. Furthermore, I was very slender and I could eat and drink whatever I wanted. I never gained any weight. Life was good!

Then adulthood came. I became 18 years old and I was going to enter university and student life in Amsterdam. This was a very exciting time! The first week of getting to know everyone was amazing! I decided I should join a sorority. So I did and I got to know a lot of people. Life was great. I even got a great, sweet, loving boyfriend. We were inseparable. He was my closest friend. I never had to feel alone, because I was almost never alone. But soon, life became very busy with all these new developments. Studying took more time than before and my relationship took a lot of time. On top of that, I had commitments to my job and to my sorority. It was very stressful and I started to feel trapped in all of these commitments. I would take out these feelings on my boyfriend. Looking back at it, we should have been more time apart so we could do the things we wanted to do, but when you just started studying in a big city, it's easy to cling to each other. You still miss your parents after all. You have to make a lot of new friends, so it feels easy and safe to stay together and do everything together.

Years passed and after that relationship ended I had to try to live on my own and make my own friends. When I was finally over my ex boyfriend I fell in love again. The road has not been easy these last couple of years but we're still together. It has been so difficult for us to manage the time we spent studying, seeing friends, on our jobs, hobbies, interests and together. On top of that, I have a lot more worries now in my mid-twenties than I had as a teenager (of course). It became even more this year, because after this August I will have to pay for my studies, my apartment and everything in my life all by myself. The government won't finance me any longer, so I will have to work for my money. This means I am trapped in a situation of having to study and work at the same time, while trying to maintain relationships and finding time for my interests.

Furthermore, because of all these worries and stress in my roaring twenties, my weight started to increase. I used to feel very confident about my body and the way I looked, but these last two years I haven't felt good about my body at all. I used to be able to eat whatever I wanted, but now my body is fed up with it. All this stress has made food, sleep and inactivity so much more attractive. I know some people who, in their twenties, still have the metabolism of a teenager and I don't know how they do it. It takes courage to say this in my blog, but I hope I will overcome this.

I've decided that enough is enough now. I cannot feel confident about myself or achieve any goal in the field of modeling if I don't do anything about this. I have to exercise more and do sports that I like. Less coca cola, red bull, cake and chips. More salads, vegetables and fruits. That's not that easy for someone like me, who looooves food. But I know I can't be the only person in their twenties facing these struggles.

To achieve this goal of losing weight and being healthy, I have to do sports that I like to do. So I thought about the sports I could do this year and would love to do/learn. During my teenage years I was a ballroom dancer. I love dancing and I was pretty good at it. I think it's time for me to finally put on my dancing shoes again. Additionally I love doing ballet because it makes your body fit and strong and it's very elegant. I would love to learn ice skating as well. Just because I have always dreamt about doing this one day. Why not try and do it?

In addition to doing more sports, I would also like to spend more time with my hobbies. I would like to start writing more and putting much more effort into it. I would like to spend more time into acting and singing as well. Take lessons and do auditions.

Deciding to finally do all these things feels like a breath of fresh air. I was beginning to feel more and more ' trapped'  and ' stuck'  in my life. Stuck in a 9 to 5 job, stuck in learning and studying. Stuck in paying bills and working to pay those bills. I felt so trapped and unhappy, because I wasn't doing the things that I love to do. Knowing I will do the things I like to do again makes me feel very happy. It makes me feel like I can be Charlotte again!

And even though I now have to work for my money instead of receiving a loan, it seems like I actually now earn more money by myself than I would get from the government. I've actually become much more used to working 3/4 days a week, that it has actually become easier to work a lot than it was in the past. I am now used to working a lot, whereas in the past I wasn't used to working at all. I've realized I actually don't mind working a lot. I just need some time for my interests, my studies and friends and then I'm fine. Life can be strange.

Time-management is a recurring issue in my life and in my blog. Now that I'm 25 (I still don't understand how that happened) I have a lot of goals I want to achieve but I also want to enjoy my twenties. Time is slipping away so time and time-management is incredibly important to me. I don't know how other people do it and I would love to share tips & advice with other people struggling with this. I want to focus more on time-management in my blog.

Your twenties can be a terrible, stressful and lonely time. Becoming an adult is a big challenge. It means finding your own strength, standing your ground and learning to be independent. It means taking care of yourself and being able to be alone successfully. I also want to focus more on this recurring theme in my blog. I want to break the taboo of feeling unhappy and insecure during your twenties. You still have to found out who you are and that's okay ;)

- C.

vrijdag 12 augustus 2016

Too short, too busy, too ambitious!


Hi there!

I have so much to tell you all. I don't even know where to start. I got a new house, a couple of new jobs and I got accepted into a Master's program in International and European Law: Public International Law at the University of Amsterdam!

These last couple of weeks I have been working a lot, trying to make some money before I go on holidays. I do all kinds of jobs. I sometimes work as an evening receptionist at a small hotel in Amsterdam, in the Old South (Oud Zuid), checking people in and setting everything up for breakfast. I check people in at airbnb apartments in Amsterdam, driving around on a scooter from one place to another (which is kind of scary sometimes), I do promotional work for different kinds of brands, I do hostess jobs and during the week I work as a receptionist at Clifford Chance in Amsterdam. The truth is, it's not easy to make a lot of money in a short amount of time, unless you don't want any free time at all for yourself and your friends.

But I had to take some breaks, because I was moving to a different apartment. I found a studio for myself in the north of Amsterdam, at the NDSM. Moving takes a lot of time and effort and I am very grateful for my family, who helped me so much. I finally have my own bathroom and my own kitchen. Unfortunately, the very first time I was using my cooker, it broke! With a loud bang and with flames. Fixing my wifi was also a lot of hassle. I have tv now, but the channels are all mixed and not in a logical order. For the computer I still needed a router and so on. But the internet is finally fixed now! For my apartment I still need a wardrobe, a couch and a dining table with chairs. I had my own couch, which I really loved, but I couldn't get it out of my flat. Later on, we discovered the solution to getting it out of the flat, but by that time we already left. Now I'm still a bit sad and grouchy about my lovely couch, which I had to sell.. Lovely black couch, I will always love you. Unfortunately, my couch has found a new owner and a new home. So now, I'm on the market looking for furniture! I love antics and I love colors like "wood" and white. I also love buying useless pretty stuff at flea markets. The hunt for nice things for the apartment will continue for some weeks. And good god, I already have problems with the electricity for cooking and my sink is leaking. It's not easy to move, but I'll take care of it all, because I love my new spot. I have a lovely view of the harbor and the NDSM werf. I live next to the festivals, the flea market and lots of cool restaurants. There isn't any noise from neighbors, my room is completely dark at night and I can go to the bathroom anytime I want! Also, the only mess in my apartment is my own mess!

Other great news is that I finally got accepted into the master's program of International and European law in Amsterdam! I'm so glad about this, because it was really frustrating to have to prove all the time to my university that I actually obtained my bachelor's degree and successfully did a pre-master in Law. I also had to do an IELTS test to actually prove that I could speak and write English. I protested against this, because I was raised bilingually. Unfortunately, I still had to do this time-consuming test, whilst also studying for exams. I got an 8.5 and that's great, but the whole thing felt very unnecessary to me. If you've studied Psychology and European Studies, you should be able to speak and write in English. Let alone, if you have a parent who speaks English to you all the time.

Another thing that bothered me was that while I was applying for jobs at different modeling agencies and hostess agencies, I learned that some people think I am too short to be a good hostess, or to be a good promotional model. I get so upset about this, because it's complete nonsense! Who says you're not pretty or a good hostess when you're 1,63 instead of 1,70? Did you know Kourtney Kardashian is only 1,52? That Emilia Clarke is 1,57? Are they not beautiful and capable women? It's complete nonsense. I have actually really thought about starting a hostess/promotional modeling agency. I would like to give shorter women a chance.

The problem is I have so many great ideas and too little time. Whilst working to make money, doing grocery shopping and errands, keeping your house clean and tidy and maintaining my relationships with people, there is almost no time left for sports, business ideas and other interests like acting, singing and writing, let alone time for castings, auditions and fotoshoots. My days are completely full and I don't give myself time to just relax and be on my own. When I'm on my own and I have some time left I feel like I should be doing something, even if it's just organizing my room or reading a book.

My friends say I'm a perfectionist and I want too much in life. They say I should focus on just one or two things. While that would give me a lot of peace of mind and would help me concentrate and excel, I wouldn't be content with that. I am 25 years old now and a lot of things have to happen right now or in the near future, if I ever want them to be done. I only have one life and that's a lot of pressure. I'm trying my best right now to organize everything the best way I can and not too stress. How do some people do it? How do they see their friends, have a great career, keep up with their hobbies and interests, do lots of extracurricular activities and have a love life all at the same time? Please people, tell me your secrets! I even have trouble telling my multiple jobs about my availability for the coming weeks, because I have priorities, but at the same time, I do want to work! It's hard, because my friends are my priority but I also need to work enough to pay for my studies. I work at Clifford Chance, the law firm, and I see young people everyday doing an internship here and I just don't know how they found the time to study hard, have a good social network and take care of their career at the same time.

I maybe have too many goals at the same time, but I'm a person who loves a challenge and who wouldn't want to waste any of my talent to have a quiet life.

So, if anybody has any time management tips or advice, please let me know!

That's all for now!

Bye bye!

- C.